# AuDHD, Perimenopause, and the Coping Mechanisms That Suddenly Don’t Work

Blog 

Mental Health Health & Wellbeing 

By Guest Blog

7th July 2026

***With thanks to our member, Helen Neale, for this article.***  

As a kid, I always felt different.

I always operated in a way that felt slightly off, set apart from others, and I could never put my finger on what was going on for me.  

I grew into some of the labels given to me. I actively tried to move away from others. The ones that seemed people didn’t find quite as acceptable for someone they wanted to be friends with:

Day-dreamer.  
Over-sensitive.  
A Cryer.  
Talkative.

I felt that I had found what worked for me as I grew older. Yet it came at a price, and having my own family, and unrealistic expectations of how I should be as a mother, I gained another label.  

Generalised Anxiety Disorder.

Even that didn’t fit though, and I couldn’t work out why.

Three years ago, I was diagnosed with ADHD, and six months ago, I learned I was also autistic. I was 49 and 52 respectively.

At the same time as I gained my ADHD diagnosis, I qualified as a therapist and started specialising in working with others that were like me: Autistic and ADHD.

But here’s the thing no one tells you when you are a woman, and you enter the phase where perimenopause hits. Even more so when you’re neurodivergent: the change in hormones and the effect they have on you is like someone suddenly pulls the rug out from under you.

The coping mechanisms you’ve spent decades perfecting, often incorporate masking. For example, the carefully constructed routines I had, the mental scaffolding that held everything together. Suddenly there is brain fog, even more forgetfulness, and less ability to focus. And it’s not because you’ve failed or lost your resilience. It’s because your brain is navigating that hormonal change.

When estrogen levels began to drop, I felt like I was losing myself. Estrogen, as I’ve since learned, is a key player in regulating dopamine, which is the neurotransmitter that ADHD brains already struggle to manage. Without it, my focus, memory, and emotional regulation took a nosedive. Tasks that once felt manageable became a real strain. I’d walk into a room and forget why I was there. I’d start a sentence and lose my train of thought halfway through. The brain fog was relentless.

But here’s the thing: I’ve realised that the answer isn’t about trying to force myself back into the rigid structures that no longer work. It isn’t about falling back into the masking that I had done for such a long time.

It was about embracing the way my brain naturally operates. I’ve always been someone who jumps from task to task, following my curiosity and energy wherever it takes me. This is a privilege to be able to do, and counselling and my passions have helped me to continue to do it. For years, I tried to suppress that part of myself, believing it was something to be fixed. But now, I see it as a strength.

In my work as a counsellor, I’ve found that allowing myself to lean into this “jumping about” mentality has not only reduced my anxiety but also made me more effective. I can pivot quickly, adapt to the needs of my clients, and bring a fresh perspective to each session. By letting go of the pressure to conform to neurotypical standards of productivity, I’ve created a work environment that feels authentic and energising. Incorporating variety, and a focus on advocacy which plays into the social injustice that my AuDHD feels is a huge part of my purpose.

Another key piece of the puzzle has been paying attention to sensory needs. For years, I ignored the subtle (and not-so-subtle) ways that sensory overload affected me. The hum of fluorescent lights, the scratchiness of certain fabrics, the overwhelming noise of crowded spaces: all of these things chipped away at my emotional regulation without me even realising it. Now, I make a conscious effort to create sensory-friendly work spaces. That might include using noise-cancelling headphones, working outside if possible, wearing soft, comfortable clothing, or taking breaks in quiet, calming environments.

These small adjustments have made a world of difference.

By reducing sensory input, I’ve been able to stay more grounded and present, which in turn helps me manage the emotional ups and downs that come with both ADHD and perimenopause. It’s not about eliminating challenges as that’s not really realistic. It is about giving myself the tools and grace to navigate them more effectively.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned through this process, it’s that perimenopause isn’t just a physical transition. It’s a profound mental and emotional one, too. For ADHD and Autistic women out there, it’s a time to reimagine what coping looks like. To give ourselves permission to potentially even let go of the strategies that no longer serve us, and to embrace new ways of being.

It’s not easy, but it’s also an opportunity. We can look to understand ourselves more deeply, to advocate for our needs, and to find a rhythm that works for this stage of life.

Because even when the old coping mechanisms stop working, we don’t have to stop. We adapt. We learn what we feel safe to do. We grow. And we keep moving forward in a way that is healthy for us.  

Find out more about Helen's work here.  
Practise: [https://www.saffronwaldencounselling.co.uk](https://linklock.titanhq.com/analyse?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.saffronwaldencounselling.co.uk&data=eJx9jLEOwiAUAL8GRkKswTq8wca6uLuTx2tphEctJUS_XiZHkxvvDsH0hO5sTK_p1EkHjGtWmKKMoK9-eA338ojjW2bwFIjFUWc7TVviaoMjxlQ4UwgLz61S5Sk3iHa2n4Wpub9bAb_vaxbdRRxujVqr-j_6Ahc5Nr4%25)  
Advocacy: [https://www.neurodivergent-nook.com](https://linklock.titanhq.com/analyse?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.neurodivergent-nook.com&data=eJw9jL0OwiAYAJ-mbBJiDdaBwUZd3N0JfAVS-Kj8SPTpxcXkxrtTgk-g9InzicFxJFqg2jJVMZAg2MXOz_leH-H6JllY8IDDgWW5LClik14Dqlgxg_cOTa9oXUkSQRr5cQjd_d-qsKVseRjPw_7Waa1RhJqidi9IBrDsMMb1534BnjUz5Q%25%25)  
Podcast: [https://neurodivergentnook.riverside.com/](https://linklock.titanhq.com/analyse?url=https%3A%2F%2Fneurodivergentnook.riverside.com%2F&data=eJw9jL0OwiAURp8GRkKswTow2FgXd3cCt0AKl8qPRp9euph8y0nO-bQUI2hzFmLkcBqokai3wnSKNEp-ddNzurdHnD-0SAcBkBx5UcuSE75VMIA6NSwQgkfbK9ZWmmVUVn09Qnf_b026WrdChgs53PoQWk7GvyBbwIoprSzvVLyBPejKD1CcNr0%25)