# Recognising the Emotional Needs of Foster Carers and Adoptive Parents

Blog 

Children, young people & families Mental Health Health & Wellbeing 

By Guest Blog

17th June 2026

***With thanks to our Recognised Counselling Service, The Wellbeing Therapy Hut, and to Jess Farazmand, for writing this article.***

When we talk about children in care, fostering and adoption, our focus quite rightly centres on the needs of the child. We consider their experiences of loss, trauma, disrupted attachment and the challenges they may face as they grow and develop.

However, there is another group whose emotional wellbeing is equally important and whose needs can sometimes be overlooked: the foster carers and adoptive parents who open their homes and hearts to these children.

Fostering and adoption can be incredibly rewarding. They offer children the opportunity to experience safety, stability, belonging and love. Yet alongside these positives comes a level of emotional complexity that is often underestimated by those outside the fostering and adoption community.

Many children entering foster care or adoptive families have experienced significant adversity before arriving in their new homes. They may have learned that adults are unreliable, that relationships are temporary, or that trust is something to be approached with caution. These experiences do not simply disappear when a child enters a loving and supportive environment.

As a result, foster carers and adoptive parents often find themselves navigating behaviours that can be confusing, challenging and emotionally demanding. They may encounter rejection, anger, emotional withdrawal or testing behaviours, even when they are doing everything they can to provide a nurturing and stable home.

This can be particularly difficult because these behaviours are often not a reflection of the quality of care being provided. Instead, they may be a child's way of expressing fear, uncertainty or past experiences of loss and instability.

In my work with families, one of the most important messages I share is that healing happens through relationships, but relationships require support.

Foster carers and adoptive parents are frequently asked to provide an extraordinary level of emotional availability. They are helping children regulate overwhelming feelings, make sense of difficult experiences and build trust in adults, often whilst managing their own emotions and responsibilities.

The reality is that this can be exhausting.

Many carers describe feelings of self-doubt, guilt or frustration when progress feels slow. Others experience isolation, particularly when friends or family members do not fully understand the unique challenges involved in caring for a child who has experienced trauma.

This is why support for carers is not a luxury; it is a necessity.

Counselling, peer support groups, reflective spaces, training and strong professional networks can all play an important role in helping carers feel understood and supported. When carers have a safe space to explore their own feelings, they are often better able to maintain the patience, empathy and consistency that children need.

There is also growing recognition of the importance of therapeutic parenting approaches. These approaches encourage adults to look beyond behaviour and consider what a child may be communicating through their actions. Rather than asking, "What's wrong with this child?" we begin to ask, "What has happened to this child?" and "What does this child need from me right now?"

This shift in perspective can be transformative for both children and carers.

At a wider level, there is a need for continued investment in accessible mental health support, joined-up services and early intervention. Foster carers and adoptive parents should not have to reach a crisis point before receiving help. Equally, children should not face lengthy waits for specialist support when difficulties first emerge.

When support is available early, families are often better able to navigate challenges together, reducing the risk of placement disruption and improving outcomes for everyone involved.

Despite the challenges, I am continually inspired by the resilience, commitment and compassion shown by foster carers and adoptive parents. They undertake some of the most important work in our society, often quietly and without recognition.

Behind every child who begins to feel safe, develops trust or starts to believe in their own worth, there is usually an adult who has remained present through the uncertainty, the setbacks and the difficult days.

As counsellors and psychotherapists, we have an important role to play not only in supporting children who have experienced trauma but also in supporting the adults who care for them. By helping carers feel heard, valued and emotionally resourced, we strengthen the very relationships that enable healing to take place.

Because when we support the supporters, we ultimately support the children too.

***Author Biography***

*Jess Farazmand is a counsellor, clinical supervisor and the founder of The Wellbeing Therapy Hut, an award-winning counselling service supporting children, young people, adults, couples and families across Surrey and beyond. Passionate about making mental health support accessible, Jess leads a team committed to providing high-quality, affordable counselling and early intervention services within the community. The Wellbeing Therapy Hut was proud to receive the Commitment to Community Award at the Epsom & Ewell Business Awards in recognition of its work supporting local residents and promoting mental wellbeing.*