Life Online: Helpful, Hard, and Here to Stay

With thanks to our member, Joanne Rankin, for this article.

I don’t think the digital world is the problem. I think it’s a mirror. It magnifies whatever is already going on connection, loneliness, curiosity, anxiety, comparison and it does it at speed. As a therapist, that means our online lives show up in the room whether we name them or not.

My Practice
 

Working online has genuinely strengthened my practice. 

For many clients, logging on from their own sofa lowers the threshold for therapy. They’re not navigating transport, eye contact in waiting rooms, or the pressure to “perform” wellness. For some, being in their own space actually helps them settle more quickly and speak more freely.

But the connected world is also often part of what brings people to therapy in the first place. Clients don’t usually say, “My phone is the problem”. They say, I feel wired but exhausted”, or “I can’t switch off”, or “I’m constantly comparing myself to people I don’t even know”. Phones, apps, and social media aren’t separate from those feelings they’re woven into them.

I use digital tools carefully; I’m not interested in adding more noise to already overstimulated nervous systems. 

Used well, online resources can support reflection, understanding, and continuity between sessions. Used poorly, they reinforce the idea that we should always be available, always improving, always consuming something about ourselves.

Smartphone and social media use come up often in my work, but I’m cautious about labelling it as addiction too soon. For many clients, their phone is a coping strategy something that soothes, distracts, fills gaps, and offers connection when real life feels too much.

If we rush to take it away without understanding why it’s there, we miss the point. The work is about helping people notice what they’re reaching for and gently expanding their options, not shaming them into stopping.  

One client, for instance, realised she wasn’t addicted to scrolling, but searching for a moment of calm before bed, a small insight that transformed how she approached rest. 

 

My Experience
 

On a personal level, the digital age has shaped how I work, share, and connect  but it’s also made me clearer about boundaries. 

I’m intentional about what I engage with online and when. I’ve learned that my wellbeing depends less on discipline and more on permission: permission to log off, to not respond immediately, and to not turn my inner life into content.

I’m especially mindful of comparison culture. Even as a therapist, it’s easy to absorb the idea that you should be doing more, posting more, being more visible. I actively resist that. Depth matters more to me than reach.

When it comes to children and young people, I’m less interested in control and far more drawn to conversation. They don’t need constant warnings; they need adults who are curious and emotionally present. 

Helping young people notice how online spaces make them feel energised, anxious, connected, or left out  builds internal regulation. 

That’s far more protective than rules alone.
 

Wider Reflections

The digital world hasn’t evolved evenly across generations. Some people remember life before constant connectivity; others have never known anything else. 

That gap can create misunderstanding, especially when we reduce younger generations’ experiences to “screen addiction” without acknowledging the social and emotional worlds those screens now hold.

Looking ahead, AI in counselling brings both possibility and unease. I see real value in AI as a supportive tool for psychoeducation, reflection, or helping people find words for difficult experiences. 

What I’m less comfortable with is the idea that it could replace relational work. 

Therapy isn’t just about insight; it’s about being met by another human nervous system. That can’t be replicated, no matter how advanced the technology.

AI chatbots will likely become more nuanced and more present in people’s lives. My hope is that we stay honest about what they can offer and what they can’t. Support is not the same as a relationship, and information is not the same as healing.

The internet connects us, but it also asks a lot of us. If we can approach it with curiosity, boundaries, and compassion for ourselves as much as our clients then it doesn’t have to be something we battle against. 

It can simply be another landscape we learn to move through with a little more care.